Hacking Off My Mullet in Hackney
The latest 'Word Vomit' involves spiders and introspection
News & Reviews Magazine
This article is part of our November edition. Read the editor’s letter to see what other fantastic writing has just been published. If you’re annoyed that it’s paywalled, then that means you wanted to read it, which means you value it. These writers get paid for what they do because their work is valuable. If you like that this type of independent media exists, please back it!
The piece you’re reading now is by Liam Sharma. Liam is a 28 year old writer residing in Sydney, Australia. He was the first known male to have a beauty column at a national newspaper in New Zealand (Stuff), where he was born. Liam now works at an eminent global cosmetic company and is the Editor of Sauce Magazine. The words he writes and colours he dreams often don’t yet exist.
Liam now writes for News & Reviews Magazine each month. These are his latest columns:
I was horizontal in my Hackney treehouse, slugging back a spliff, when a peanut-sized spider skated across my forehead straight into the depths of my bed. I squealed and squirmed. The creature had crawled out of my knotted hazelnut locks and dragged her pregnant belly across my skin. She had hundreds of thousands of millions of incy-wincy eggs stashed in her back pocket that she intended to nest all through my roots.
I had a fucking hernia that night in Hackney.
She left me no option when she thought my hair was her home. I had to exterminate her. I fired an onslaught of deranged DMs at my swanky hairstylist, Tommy, who was about to bounce for Paris Fashion Week. He cut my hair late last Monday afternoon and until then, I hadn’t cut my hair in over five months. It was the longest I had let it grow out since my mother started snipping it with her rat-shit nail clippers when I was a child.
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